The one i loved so much had left this world to heaven with god...
He just passed away...
And after 2 weeks..only i found out...
I had been such a bad person...
Talking bout bad things of him in my blog..though the post i've deleted few days after its written..i still can't forgive myself...
I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, Christ..
Now that you had left to a better place..who's going to accompany me throughout my life?
I can't really find such guy like you...you're just special..
Guess you really can't make it during the heart attack...
I can't beg to God and ask Him to bring you back to life..
I'm just lost and hopeless now..
I'm sorry for what I had did..those pain that had caused so much to you...
I'm sorry..
On my birthday..you wanted to send me the shirt to me but i didn't gave you my address..
I can say that the shirt is just really nice..
You designed it and its specially made by you...
Its a pair..
Yours is black and mine is white...
but now...who's gonna wear the black one?
Would it be better if i burn it so you can wear that in heaven?
Its just so nice...you've drew it before and showed to me...
yours the black one with a small pink thumb print and a red ribbon on top..
and mine the white one with a bigger blue thumb print and a little black tie..
Guess you can't be back alive and wear it together..
Look..i admit i blame it on you on the very first place..
But after i know all the truths...i really feel bad for what i've done..
The pains...the scars...
Now you're gone forever...
Its too late for me to repay you...
I'll do what you want me to...
Study and succeed in life..
You'll be in heaven watching me won't you?
Like the deal we've made..
I'll aim for the straight A's you wanted..
I won't let you down...
I'll live my life and pray non-stop..
You had even wrote a last word or i can say a letter to me.
I really burst on into tears when i read it..
It feels like a sharp knife going through me..
You really know me well...but i don't know you well enough..
You made me hate you so i could forget you..
You had asked your sister and your best friend to take care of me..
But you had left to this peaceful place called heaven..
Everytime when i look back to our maple ss or even sms and msn message history..
I really can't stop the tears..
Even when i sleep i'm still crying..
I can't accept the facts that you were gone..
The one I loved had gone and he'll never come back..
You will still be in my heart eternally and forever..
I missed the moments when we were mapling together..
Those sms you send...all these memories wouldn't be forgotten..
Everyone here misses you...your sister..ice..and me..
These 112 days were the happiest days in my life...
I never regret knowing you and i'm lucky enough to be given the chance to know you...
It seems like you had suffered enough so thats why God takes you with Him..
I won't blame God..I feel thankful to Him too..
For letting me know you and been with you...
Ah...our memories..nice and beautiful ones...
I missed you really much..
ZS will always remain.
R.I.P Christ..
I love you.
God, thank you for giving me the chance to know him.
I really do appreciate this relationship.
Guess this were one of the obstacles me, his family and friends have to go through.
Please let him rest in peace by your side.
Amen.
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